I recently bought a used copy of the Gotham Writers’ Workshop Writing Fiction guide. I’m thankful for Chester Creek Books and Antiques in Duluth, MN for having this on top of a stack of books so I would notice it.
There are several exercises throughout the book I am working through and intend to share here for others to learn, benefit or comment on.
As I continue drafting my horror novel, I’m working to improve my descriptions.
Here’s the exercise from the book (pg. 107):
“Pick a character and imagine he or she has gone spelunking (cave exploring) with a group of friends. Unfortunately, your character has become separated from the group and now he or she is groping through a pitch-dark passage (without a flashlight), searching for either a way out or the missing companions. Write a passage bringing this scene to life through sensory description. Since vision is limited, you’ll have to rely on hearing, smell, touch and taste. Let the reader physically experience this place through the senses.”
I’m fortunate to have visited Wind Cave in South Dakota and will reference that tour as part of this exercise. I start with an outline of my thoughts and what I want to capture, then slowly move to an actual narrative.
Here it goes:
Outline 1 (initial draft, no editing, just putting thoughts to paper):
- Smell of wetness, coming from somewhere.
- Feel of the cooler air on skin. Dry dirt on the edges of the passage under fingers. Sharpness of something hitting head.
- Feeling emotion.
- Seeing nothing. Not even hands in front of face.
- Echo of her steps. Sound of rock dropping somewhere behind her.
- Dry air dried out the tongue. Taste of old, millions of years of darkness.
Outline 2 (essential points to keep):
- Smell of wetness.
- Cool air on her skin. Dirt on the edges of the passage under fingers. Sharpness of something hitting head.
- Seeing nothing. Not even hands in front of face.
- What emotion? Haunted by the darkness itself around her, trying to penetrate her mind and soul. Felt it in the cool, humid air. In the taste of millions of years of darkness.
- Echo of her steps. Sound of rock dropping somewhere behind her.
From Outline 1, I had smell of moisture by dry air. This didn’t match and had to align to high moisture content being typical in a cave environment. At the start of writing this, I couldn’t recall which applied. Also removed “dry” from the feeling of the dirt.
Narrative 1 (moved from outline to narrative):
The sudden, palpable blackness haunted her. Unable to see her hands or feet, she heard it whisper to her, trying to penetrate her mind and soul. Felt it in the cool, humid air. As she breathed, trying to calm herself, she smelled the moisture deep within the earth. Tasted the millions of years of darkness. Suddenly, in the horrifying silence, a rock fell behind her – the sound threatening to chase her from the depths of the cave.
Revised Narrative (a bit of editing):
The sudden, palpable blackness haunted her. It whispered to her, taunting her mind and soul. She felt it in the cool, humid air. Smelled and tasted the millions of years of blackness concealing everything around her. Suddenly, in the horrifying silence, a rock fell behind her – the sound threatening to chase her from the depths of the cave.
Final Narrative (a bit of editing):
Palpable blackness haunted her. Whispered to her, taunting her mind and soul. She felt it in the cool, humid air. Smelled and tasted the millions of years of darkness concealing everything around her. Suddenly, in the horrifying silence, a rock fell behind her – the sound threatening to chase her from the depths of the cave.
Yes, I was at the back of our Wind Cave tour group – my wife was in front of me, a witness to what I experienced – and in the darkness behind me, an echo of a rock falling to the ground chased us out.
If you try this exercise, feel free to share.